I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
