i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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