Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
