end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
