Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
