the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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