Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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