I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
