Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's blow job season.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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