I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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