Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
