I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
