if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
