i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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