Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
