too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
