I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
