apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
