i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my shit smells like andre
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
