dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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