the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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