dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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