my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
