Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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