please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
