yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
