Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
