when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
