OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
FUCK WHALES
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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