Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
