So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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