shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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