What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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