He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
