I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
