Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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