Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
