Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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