I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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