Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
