My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a search helicopter?!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
