she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
