I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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