I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize