Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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