yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My penis needs a shock collar
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
