Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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