I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
