so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
