I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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