i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
