this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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