I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize