If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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