As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
