I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
