I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
