Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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