...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
