Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
