my mouth tastes like poor choices
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
