I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
