allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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