before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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