if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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