i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
