I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
