I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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