pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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