hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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