Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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