glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
