just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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