She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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