I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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