I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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