you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
