My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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