Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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