I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
