Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
