I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
