oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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