What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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